Ok girst of all its 3 in the morning or close to 4, ive woken up from a deep sleep for some reason, as usual everytime i wake up in the moddle of the night i check my phone to see if you had text me. And yes u have, ive read slowly on what you have written here on tumblr. And i swear after reading that you just made me get up and write this and that just made me want you sooo fucking bad! So anyways here is my response to what you wrote, its been 3 years since we have known each other through times you and i had difficult things happening with our lives. While time passes by i had made you my bestfriend cause you were there all the time for me you help me out when i needed you were there to listen to me when i needed thing to be let out you gave me advice. So along time i return the favor you end up having your own thing going and i told if you need anything i was always here for you no matter what, to listen, to go a peaceful place, or just to get out to have a peace of mind where you can be free just for a minute where the past nor future exist i was ready and still am ready to rake care u anywhere u wanna go! As things goes by we got closer and closer together we were in separable we always together hamging out drinking all the memories we’ve had along thei line. Then it hit me one day, that you make me happy every single day, and i realized i like you its crazy how at first i didnt wanna accept it cuz i knew deep down my heart it wouldnt happen but ive taken that risk inspite of our friendship and i was superrrrr glad you end up feeling the same way as i do. The day you and i started to take things or take the same path i became so happy so greatful that someone like you came my way! You made me feel so unexpectedly happy! Now you and i are together happily together! I know its been merely 3 months since this relationship has started but i know deep down you are the girl ive been searching for yeah i know ive said i cant find someone who can understand me but you know what babe i take that back cuz no one can understand me tbe way you do! You get me so much! So yeah you are the girl ive been searchin for! And im soo soo sooooooo thankful that is you, beacause you are my bestfriend and i know for a fact that my bestfriend will NEVER EVER hurt me! I know that my heart is safe with you and no one will ever take it from you cuz i know you wouldnt let anyone take it. Like i said babe its been merely 3 months since been togther but that within this 3 months i have learn to LOVE you the deepest way i can think of, i love you so much that the day i left it hurted me so much i didnt wanna leave you alone, i wanted to be next to you facing your day by your side. I always there with you every single day 18 hours of the day to be exact bht yeah i was next to you seeing you every day, sleeping beside you feeling your warmth next to me, having you sleep on my chest while u listen to my heartbeat the only beats for you and only you, and able to make love with you all of that i miss it so much babe since i left my days isnt complete anymore :/ i need you ro complete my days my weeks my month my years. I need you babe! I love you so much that everynight i dream about seeing how you and me are on the same bed! But i know all of this will be worth it in the end because i can truly see myself being with you a for long time ive told i can see myself marrying you i want you to have my kids, i want you to become my happily ever after! Just that as of right now im so hurting that your not here next me it hurts so fucking bad i just want your hugs and kisses:( im so in love you babe i just believe all of this is real. I am so grateful actually im more than that idk how to describe it but god knows how HAPPY i am to be with you! Babe I LOVE YOU VEEEERRRRYYYY MUCH YOU ARE MY ONLY ONE I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR YOU ILL ALWAYS CATER TO YOU YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE MY HEART BABE I LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH I CANT THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE BETTER THAN YOU. YOU MAKE ME HAPPIYESS MAN ALIVE!! I CANT WAIT FOR THE ME AND YOU LIVE TOGETHER! BUT FOR NOW I JUST CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU TOMMOROW! ABLE TO HUG YOU AND KISS YOU! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND NOTHING CAN EVER N3VER CHANGE THAT! YOU ARE MY ONE AND ONLY!
I cant manage to find myself in this world. I feel like im in a dark room, trying to find the light or the door the will lead me to a better place. But i cant manage to find it. Ive heard all the advice i needed to hear, ive heard all the the things i needed to do but for some reason its still not enough for me. Im so done wishing of erasing the my past cuz i know it isnt gonna do anything for me. I know in my heart that i need to move to find out what i need to be doing but i just dont know where to start. People tell me figure out what i wanna do but the things yeah i know the finish line but where is the starting line at?? Im so lost like a kid trying to fine his mother in new york city. The only that is really running on my mine is HOW,WHAT,WHEN,WHERE…WHAT do i do? HOW do i do it? WHEN do i do it? and WHERE do i start? Ugh all this question is just frustrating. I just wanna be like the clouds in the sky. All i gotta do is just be up there and go where ever the wind blows. Sigh if only life was like that it would be so much easier.
Ive move back to motown before it was easy cuz i had somethings i needed work on. Now since im back i still need to work on things but this time is a alot different cuz your in my life and yeah i know it only 30mins away from u but i just got u being with u nearly everyday! For the last 2months and now only able to see you for just once a week it really sucks! I guess we both have to get use to it. So ima stay strong cuz i know in time things will get easier and we both will be happy. I love you very much!
So like im leaving in like 30mins and i dont want too, being with you right now just feels so great! But i have no choice but to leave.
Ive never felt like this in so long, ive come to point where i really need to get shit done, i need to start takimg shit seriously and change who i am, something i dont wanna do because i lile who i am, but it seem like i need to change for the people around cuz beimg isnt good enough i guess….idk anymore sometimes i wish i can go back in time and just change all the desicion i have made in my life! Alomg the way i thought i was on the right track but i guess i wasnt all this time i thought doing me was ok i thought being me was good enough idk anymore me and my fam isnt close anymore all ive got now is me and the clothes in my back! I wanna break down and cry but ive thought to myself that crying isnt gonna do a dam thing. I need to start taking actions and taking my responsibilties for reals!idk im ranting and i need to stop but everything is just toooo overwhelming right now and im about to shut down ugh.. i guess if you werent a good kid karma just hits u back and gives u full of problems that u werent ready for! And eventually the only way to get is just commit suicide.
I hatttteeeee you!! Your inner soul just annoys the fuck out of me!!! Whhyyyyy!! Your not my mother so stop acting like one!! Why do u have make my life a little miserable!! Ohhhhh myyyy gawwwdddd!!!! I just wanna strangle you punch u to death i wanna just ooooooo!! Omfg!!! I really wanna just push of the stairs over and over and over and over and over again till i am satisfied of your pain!! But that will never happen cuz i wanna keep giving u pain and annoyence like u gave me from the past 21 years of my life!!! I just wanna ugh!!! I just dont understand why u do this gawwdddd fuckin bitch!! You are the complete definition of a dumbass mother fuckin bitch!!! I hate your fuckin soul you iz a bitch!!!
Ive come across so many things in my life ive met crazy amazing people, and ive face difficult challenges along the way, but with all that being said i think there is soo much more to come! And i cant wait for it to happen but at the same time im a little scared for it, i dont why i am, but i know there is people who will help me go tru my life, well look at me ranting lol but i know all this makes sense to me:) so bottom line is im ready as i can get to face all of this, with my chin up and walking tall and just READY!! so god hit me with all you’ve got!! Cuz i know you will be there to guide me and help me with all the challenges your gonna give!! So there im done k bye!
Like the trees need the earth. Like the night needs the moon. Like the stars need sky. Like the guitar needs the tune. My world needs you…
The wall that you have built is now in between us, we started being friends to the point where you become one of the closes and best friend i have! Now im willing to bet all that so i can feel what is being in a relationship all about again, you have admitted that you do like me as well but the foundation of our friendship has gotten in the way for us, and the wall you have built also has gotten in the way, now im here sitting in my car begining to think if all of this is ok?? Meaning will it take time for you to take down the wall or will it just stay there? As for me ive told myself never to fall for a friend ever again cause there are so much at risk, but for some reason you got me thinking of why not take one last risk give it another try, and now thats what i am doing, but since the day i have told you how i felt till now ive come to see that no matter what im gonna do this no matter how high that wall is i will break tru it, if i cant i will climb it…i dont wanna feel the “what if” again, i dont wanna lose out on you! Period!